82 Women (and me)
Yesterday I was happily perched in the back rows of Theatre One at my local Cineplex. Then two thirty-something women politely excused themselves as they climbed past me; a couple of forty-somethings took up residency in the row in front; and a mother and daughter slipped in a few rows along.
     Something was amiss and I needed a quick head count to confirm my suspicions. Including me, there were 83 people in the audience. Including me, there was one man. Damn it! That’s why the kids at the box office were snickering at me. I’d just paid ten bucks to see a chick flick.
     The only other time I’d found myself in the midst of a room entirely filled with the opposite sex was at a lesbian bar I’d accidentally happened upon in Greenwich Village… well maybe it wasn’t a complete accident. At least this time I wasn’t thrown out and bitch slapped to the sidewalk by a woman called Wanda, wearing work-boots and overalls.
      Okay, okay, okay. Like the dyke bar incident, this was no accident. I deliberately went along to see 27 Dresses.
     Fellow comic genius, Larry David recently admitted to Dave Letterman that he likes chick flicks, so as far as I’m concerned the genre has street cred (on the Lower East Side anyway).
      I did have one other legitimate reason. When my brothers and sisters at the WGA decide the studios have had enough and we can go back to work, I’m kind of planning to pen a chick flick. Whoa ladies… it’s in the pipeline stages and we’re looking until at least 2009 before this project sees any light. But stayed tuned.
      The plot and storyline line of 27 Dresses is hardly atypical for a chick flick. Girl loves boy. Boy ignores girl. Boy falls in love with other girl. Other boy falls in love with girl one. Boy one still in love with girl two. Girl one ignores sound advice and romantic advances from boy two. Girl three, who has never had a male companion beyond breakfast, continually gives girl one advice on relationships. Boy one realizes girl two is wrong girl. Boy two does something really dumb to betray the trust of girl one. Girl one jettisons boy two. Girl one then realizes that boy one is not the one. Girl one and boy two finally fall in love and marry. Get it!
      One could hardly characterize 27 Dresses as a tear jerker — though I did lodge a very strong complaint with cinema management as to the level of airborne dust which caused me a great deal of eye irritation.
     Happily, there were some lessons for young men from this film. No matter how inviting she may be, never choose the slutty blonde over the homely brunette. The slut will invariably go to pieces and take everything, and everybody, around her along.
     The lovely, and homely, brunette Katherine Heigl plays serial bridesmaid Jane (whatever her last name is). She spends most of the story confirming that ‘good guys come last’ while being pushed aside by a somewhat slutty and occasionally back stabbing sister… see Jane and I already have something in common. The part of the blonde sister went to Malin Akerman, who’s biggest credit to date is probably as one of Vince Chase’s conquests on HBO’s Entourage TV series.
     The screenplay was delivered by Aline Brosh McKenna, whose big achievement to date was producing the script for The Devil Wears Prada. Prada was a much better script. And just in case the crew hadn’t been sufficiently emasculated, Anne Fletcher (who apparently is a woman) directed this chick flick. Though a man, Peter James, was DOP on this film, I blame Ms Fletcher for the poor focus on half the wide shots — it’s her job to make sure the DOP does his job!
     The climactic, girl one takes boy two back, scene was about as schmaltzy as you’d expect from a Hollywood chick flick. The all important kiss and dissolve to wide shot and music cue was a piece of inspired brilliance.
     As the audience is about to be nailed by yet another clichéd love story montage, the sound department comes to the rescue with Corinne Bailey Rae and her wonderfully soulful track Like A Star, from her 2006 self-titled debut album. Ray Charles may have invented soul music but this Rae is the embodiment of it. Corinne Bailey Rae is a monster talent and, quite simply, the most soulful girl in the world. Any project that features her work gets my tick of approval.
     The big question, though, remains: Will this be my only chick flick experience?
     Given a choice between this genre and the B-Grade male genre of toilet and trouser jokes, I think I’ll gladly spend two hours gushing over what a beautiful bride Katherine Heigl makes.